Losing our babygirl.

The other day, a very dear friend of mine found out that she had lost her child. She was around 7 weeks along, but it was so hard on her, and in talking to her, I discovered that I had never fully recovered from losing our babygirl. I have NEVER before wrote this story, or even told details of all that happened that day, and I am hoping by doing this, it will help heal my soul.

One day, I was at my apartment, and started having the worst period cramps I had ever felt in my life. I got into the bathtub to try to ease my pain, but it got a million times worse. At that point, I couldn't even move. The pain was crippling. I couldn't even get out of the bathtub to make it to my cell phone to call 911.  The pain finally subsided enough that I stood up to try to get out of the bathtub when suddenly I was hit with the worst "cramp" yet, and suddenly began gushing blood. I could only half sit and half stand and cry and scream. It was to date, the worst pain I have ever felt. Then, i feel like my insides are being ripped out, and a huge mass comes out of me. I felt it drop, and the pain subsided some. I dug around in the blood filled bathtub, still gushing blood at an alarming rate. I pulled out a developed sak of amniotic fluid with the bag intact holding a precious little girl about the size of my hand. I had no idea I was pregnant. I sat in the bathroom and sobbed my heart out. I eventually made it to the kitchen with my phone, and called Tim. I told him I needed to  cancel our plans for the day because I was taking myself to the hospital, and that I had had a miscarriage. He only lived about 5 minutes away, and made it there in less than 2 minutes. When he walked in, I had a towel between my legs, standing in the kitchen floor sobbing, and screamed that I couldn't stop bleeding long enough to get pants on to go to the hospital. I believe I was literally in shock, due to blood loss.I believe at that point, he was a little in shock himself because my apartment looked like the scene of a massacre. He immediatly said "I'm calling an ambulance. He called 911, and they advised him to make me lie down. I did, but was still having contractions where I would hemmorage with every one. The fire dept arrived before the ambulance, and because I was hemhorraging, they went ahead and started an IV. The ambulance arrived, threw a sheet over me, and took off for the hospital. My memory's on that are fuzzy at best. I don't know if I was going in and out of consciousness, or what, but I only remember bits and pieces after that. I remember my head was spinning, and things would just go dim.  By the time we got to the hospital, my bleeding had slowed down alot, but was still pretty bad. The entire hospital bed was SOAKED in blood, as well as the pads beneath me, etc. I was still gushing a substantial amount. Eventually, after Blaine pulled my sheet back and saw the whole bed soaked, he demanded a doctor(we had been there almost 2 hours, without having even seen a nurse, while I bled out) It turns out, they were not told why I was there, and thought I was there for "stomach pain" Upon walking in and hearing what had happened, the doctor stood dumbfounded. He pulled the sheet over me back to do a V.E, and saw how bad I was hemhorraging. He immediatly ran out of the room, ordered pain medicine, and more IV fluids, and a medicine to help stop my bleeding. He also asked about the baby. The entire time, the paramedics had left her in a specimen bag beside my bed. I was sobbing so hard at this point that  I couldn't talk, and was so dizzy the room was spinning, so Blaine filled him in. He apologized profusely. After they finally got my bleeding under control, I was allowed to leave, and we set up an appointment for the next day for an OB/GYN for a d and c.  She did the exam, and determined since everything came out intact, that it wasn't nessicary, and prescribed iron since I was anemic after loosing so much blood. I also found out, that not only was I pregnant, and not known it, I had had a second trimester loss at 16 weeks. That is why my little girl was so big, and perfectly formed.  I couldn't even stand going back to my apartment, and couldn't walk without intense pain and dizziness, so I stayed with Blaine. He made me fall in love with him all over again the next few weeks. He wouldn't even let me shower without him being in there because i was so dizzy, and a fall risk.  He took amazing care of me, and got me back to health. I will never forget that, and even now, remembering how caring he was, brings tears to my eyes.  After several weeks, when I was finally able to move around without dizziness, and getting my strength back, I decided I had to go clean my apartment. I had no idea what kind of condition it was left in, but knew it was going to be pretty bad. It was bad enough that my mattress was deemed a "biohazard" and was taken off.  The pools of blood were everywhere. I thank God Blaine went with me, because i broke down seeing the blood everywhere. He helped me clean it up, and then took me back to his apartment, and let me lie in bed all day,and held me as I sobbed. The next morning, I decided I couldn't live in my apartment anymore, and would have to move. Even cleaned up, the stains were a constant reminder and it was still to fresh in my mind. I told Blaine this, and he told me to just stay there, and his roomate moved into my apartment, and we sort of switched apartments. That night, he said he wanted to get back together, and I agreed. We continued to grow closer and closer.