Drifting apart

You know that moment when you realize that you are drifting apart from someone, and even though it hurts, you decide to just let them go? I think that's where I am at. In the past couple of weeks, I have noticed myself drifting apart from him. It doesn't kill me like it used to if we don't talk. When he Skype's, I will still answer, but won't do much to prolong the conversation like I used to either.We have been here before, and he has always noticed when this change in "us" happens, and ropes me back in, whether subconsciously or not, but he always has. But this time, instead of fighting to keep us connected, I am just letting it happen, and hoping that by doing it this way, my heart will be able to just slowly let go. And honestly, thus far, it kind of seems to be working(knock on wood) I don't find myself tempted to call him and strike up conversation, or tempted to urge him to see Nathan, so that he will see me, and reconnect with me either. I have just almost given up.

Also, I think I kind of had a breakthrough today. I think I have realized that unless something drastic happens(and you never know with a Bipolar person) But unless something drastic happens, I think I have finally realized that I just don't think he is even capable of loving me like I need and want to be loved. I don't think he will ever care for me, and think of me like I do him either. I have never missed an oppritunity to show him how much I care, or do something sweet and thoughtful for him, just to be nice. But for once, I want to be selfish, and FOR ONCE in our 7 year relationship, I want him to do for me, what I have been doing for him for the past 7 years. Show me he gives a damn at all I guess. And I just don't think he will. I have given up on him being the man I desperatly want and need him to be. So at some point, I've got to decide if I just want to live with less than what I feel I deserve and stay with him, or move on and take a chance at finding someone who will.

 It's a really hard and scary choice. I used to judge those who stayed in sub-par relationships just because it was "comfortable" or "ok most of the time" but here I am, many years later, and generally incontent most of the time, but yet I have continued to stay with him. Life has a funny way of making you feel like a dumbass for the things you used to be so judgemental about.